Haven't completely disappeared yet

I know I have sort off feel the face of the earth for the past week or two. I have had a lot of thinking and stressing to do. And the way I cope with stress is avoiding people and finding something random and completely trivial to obsess over. This time I chose Glee. I must say that in two weeks I have learned more about Glee than any single rational person should know. Doesn't mean I will be skipping fandoms however, so no worries.

There is no way around it. There is no future and no hope in Greece anymore. I will only spiral into deeper depression, hopelessness and eventually unemployment if I stay here. But it's not easy packing up and leaving. It will need a lot more guts than I usually possess and a lot time and effort. I have a whole life here - friends, family, a flat full of furniture and books, a neighbourhood I love, groups I'm part of - everything will have to be packed up and put in storage or abruptly ended. So, yeah, still working on my courage. Still feel like freaking out, bursting into tears, or jumping of a roof at random moments during the day. But if I don't do it, I will forever regret it.

Yesterday we went on a day trip. We just drove with a vague destination in mind, but it turned out fine. We came across a random archaeological site and decided to stop and visit. Spring has started, the flowers are out, and ruins amongst the grass and flowers are always beautiful. Afterwards we went to the seaside, walked on the beach and sat and ate fish in a seaside taverna. You know, the sort of stuff I will invariably miss when/if I leave this country.



In the spirit of feeling maudlin. The three things I will miss the most from Greece if I leave are:
1. the weather
2. the sea
3. the low crime rate.

Having a meltdown

You wouldn't believe how stressed and confused and scared and undecided I am at the moment.

And I have to make a decision soon!

Thing is, I never wanted to live in Greece. I always found it stiffling and narrow. So I did a post-graduate in Paris with the hope of staying there. I loved Paris as a city, but found it was too lonely and the Parisians were too stand-offish for me to be able to live there. I tried half-heartedly to find a job in London afterwards, but was put off by the way they considered my degree second-rate because it came from a Greek university and the fact that my own relatives refused to let me stay with them for longer than a couple of weeks while I was looking for a job. Plus I had my nagging parents back in Greece begging me to come home.

I have never been fully happy with returning to Athens. Yet, I am not blind, I can see the ways Athens is superior to London. (More easygoing, better weather, safer, closer to my immediate family.) But on the other hand, I feel like I'm stagnating. I am not meeting any new people, because greeks are very closed-off and because I really have nothing in common with the average greek.

This past year our flat's lease has expired and we've been staying without one. (They do that in Greece.) Which was cool, because if I decided to leave there would be no problems with contracts and stuff. Only thing is they have just told us to move out by the summer because the owners' daughters want to use the flat. So we are looking for flats, and good affordable flats in the center of Athens are not so easy to come by. And once we sign a new lease we are stuck.

See? I can't afford to be undecided any more. I either rent a new flat here (and we saw one that we like enough, and if we don't grab it soon someone else will) and decide to stay put in this country. Or else I pack everything up, resign from my job and take the leap to go to London to look for a job. Which is scary. Because I have hardly any money in the bank, I have a Greek university degree and four years experience of working in the construction business in Greece which will definitely underwhelm everyone over there, and I am over thirty, which is pretty old to be doing stuff like this.

So I am going a bit mad.

Pointless observation

Guess who I've been feeling like lately?



Remember him?

I cut my hair a couple of weeks ago. And I cut a fringe! (I'm still trying to get used to it.) It's been cold lately and I have been going around with a wooly hat and my fringe poking through.

Going back to lurking around now...